Groucho Marx Quotes: Hilarious Wisdom & Witty One-Liners
Explore a collection of Groucho Marx’s funniest and most insightful quotes. Discover his legendary wit, clever observations, and timeless humor.
* “Years ago, I used to try to outdo everyone, but I stopped doing that because I realized it was destroying the dialogue. When you’re always trying to be the big shot, you’re not really listening to anyone. It kills communication.”
* “I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go into another room and read a book.”
* “Marriage is the leading cause of divorce.”
* “Marriage is a great institution. Of course, if you like living in an institution.”
* “There’s only one way to know if a man is honest… ask him. If he says ‘yes,’ then you know he’s corrupt.”
* “I don’t go to clubs that will have me as a member.”
* “There are many things in life more important than money, but they cost so much…”
* “I chased a girl for two years only to find out that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls.” * “I can’t say I don’t disagree with you.”
* “I intend to live forever, or die trying.”
* “I drink to make other people interesting.”
* “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
* “I’m not a vegetarian, but I eat animals that are.”
* “I want to be cremated. One-tenth of my ashes are to be given to my agent, just as it says in our contract.”
* “Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse again!”
* “Military Intelligence is a contradiction in terms.”
* “These are my principles. If you don’t like them, I have others.”
* “I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll make an exception.”
* “From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I couldn’t stop laughing. One day, I intend to read it.”
* “To our wives and girlfriends: may they never meet.”
* “Count me out of this.”
* “Why should I care about posterity? It’s never done anything for me.”
* “Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”
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